Lovers of the Light: {all I have seen}

"That which was from the beginning, which we have HEARD, which we have SEEN with our eyes, which we LOOKED upon and have TOUCHED with our hands, concerning the word of life— the life was made manifest, and we have SEEN it, and TESTIFY to it and PROCLAIM to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us— that which we have SEEN and HEARD we PROCLAIM also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete." --- 1 John 1:1-4

June 1 2014. Term 1. Camp Barnabas. This was the verse of discussion for family time. I was challenged with these questions:

when was the last time you heard Him? when was the last time you saw Him? when did you last touch Him?

Questions that seem as if they should be natural to respond to but I found myself really racking my brain. I didn't like that. Over the course of that week I worked avidly to pause and let those moments resonate. This is what it looks like to see Him. To touch Him, to hear Him.

It's interesting to me that the way The Lord speaks to me is never the same. It always looks different. He never stops creating. I like that. He never stops creating wonder in me> then He surpasses all expectations and says, "HERE! I am here. Here in the breeze. Here in this smile. Here in this conversation. Listen to me, daughter." Just listen. Just be. Meditate.

Transitioning out of the place I have been in for the past three months back to [now, here, home, normal?] has looked so different from what I thought it would be like. It's only been 4 days. In those 4 days I have wrestled with how to return, completely refined, still in progress, to the place where all my roots are. What does this active process of learning to live while still living abundantly look like? I'm really not sure. And I'm really okay with that remaining unknown and slowly unwrapping whatever this new phase of life may look like.
|| One thing I know to be True is this: ||

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." --- Romans 12:2

I am constantly being renewed. Renewal isn't necessarily a season. It's really a choice that has been made very evident to me this summer. I desire it so deeply that I have chosen to wake up every morning with intentions to be renewed. For my eyes to remain open and my spirit to remain vulnerable. Such a perspective has yielded an incredibly fruitful harvest that I have been able to take everywhere with me. Purdy to Austin to Dallas to Shell Knob to Denver to Boulder. It is woven into my heartstrings.

Another new way The Lord has been romancing my heart is through solitude. I never ever in a million years thought that I would enjoy being by myself as much as I have been this week. It's a very foreign thing to me but has been a beautiful dance which I am confident will cultivate into something I can't imagine right now. [habakkuk 1:5] so many PROMISES.

This morning I woke up at 8:02 (another new thing. camp time=no sleeping in=my body wants to wake up early and I love it), made myself an omelet with fresh vegetables from the garden in my backyard (abundance) and sat on my back porch with a lemon scented candle eating and reading my bible while it rained. In that moment there was the recognition: this is how the Spirt speaks. This is how He is moving in this very second. And I get to pause and dwell in everything this moment brings.

---- raindrops hitting the table on the patio. birds chirping. air blowing. candle flame wavering. paper kites singing in my ears. -----

\\\ earlier this afternoon when I was driving during a rainstorm I turned around a corner, saw the mountains and felt like I had been punched. I think it was one of the first times I took an actual breath since I've been home. A full inhale and a full exhale filled with tears. {complete release} After 18 years of seeing the mountains every day I never expected to look upon them and be stirred up so intensely. But then again, who are we to have expectations? Why do we put our Creator in a box? Comfort? I think yes.

This is what I have seen. This is what I have tasted. This is what I testify to be True.